C.W.Y.S.C. - Members' Code of Conduct

Guildelines for Coaches and Parents

This season, an unfortunate event took place within our club... a confrontation between a parent and a coach. The reason for the conflict a common complaint in youth sports: the coach is not being fair; my child is not playing where he would like to play; the coach is giving preference to his child over other, perhaps better players—at least that was the perception of this one parent. Even if these concerns had some merit, the whole argument was immediately nullified by the approach taken by the parent: He was hostile, inappropriate, and he raised his voice and used foul language in front of other parents and young players. He even threatened violence.

Understandably, the coach passed the incident along to the Club for immediate action; as a result, what could have been a calm discussion between two adults became a much more involved process, between the Executive Board, related Commissioners, parents and coaches involved, and a number of other concerned club members. A lot of time was invested in coming to agreement as to how the situation should be handled. Perhaps more so than was needed, since—once violence was threatened—the obvious course of action was to remove the parent and his child from the club. Erring on the side of caution, however, the club decided to give the parent at issue the benefit of the doubt, and allow him to give his side of the story. In all fairness to the coach and the parent concerned, witnesses were consulted, club members were asked for their opinions, and the parent was given a very clear and specific ultimatum going forward: Your child may still play, but you may not come to practice or games until further notice; any deviation from this means you will both be barred from the club.

As it turns out, the parent and child in question chose to sit out the first game following the incident; but the next weekend was the Wilson tournament, in which the player was expected to participate, and which the parent attended, against the clear mandate of the club to stay away. While the tournament itself went off without a hitch or any undue tension on the team, the issue was clear: The parent was given a specific consequence for his first confrontation with his child's coach; He was specifically told that if he attended any games, the result would be expulsion from the club for both he and his son; he chose to break that rule, perhaps to test the resolve of the people involved who made that decision. As a result, the Club was required to respond to the parent's actions in order to support its original decision... Regardless of whether things were OK on the team or not, this parent broke the rules, and had to accept the consequences of his actions; now that the player and parent have been removed from the club, the players team suffers the loss of a strong contributor to the team, and the club is faced with the task of how to apply this incident to future conflicts. While the parent in question probably does not appreciate how much time and energy went into discussing the best way to deal with the situation, it stands to reason that all sides of the argument received a significant amount of time and consideration in reaching a fair conclusion to these unfortunate events.

This leads to a need for clarification on the purpose of a "code of conduct" for our club: This issue at hand is never about "WHAT" is at issue—whether it's tryouts, game time, or positioning—but the "HOW," as in, how do we conduct ourselves appropriately within the club. There is a time to come forward and express yourself, and there is time to defer to the judgement of others. There is NEVER a time for the threat of violence or inappropriate language in front of children and other parents; this organization is governed by the same rules and limitations of civil society; no one's argument is made stronger by strong language or by speaking more loudly. Physical force is the opposite of a rational argument. This parent, by turning his personal concerns into a personal attack on his son's coach, did not gain any support for his arguments; in fact, by confronting his coach HE DID JUST THE EXACT OPPOSITE. Instead of calmly seeking a resolution through proper channels, first through the coach and later through the club hierarchy, what could have been a positive learning experience became a test of wills, between one parent and the organization that he attacked by working against his coach instead of with him. Was he right? Was there any truth at all to his accusations of favoritism? No one can ever know, because of how HE conducted himself. As a result, there was really no other way for the club to respond. Regardless of his issues, regardless of how much truth there may have been to how he felt, regardless of whether each and every other parent on that team felt the same way he did but was too afraid to come forward—none of this matters in the aftershocks of his choosing to confront his coach like some bully on the school playground. There is no other way for the club to have responded; the Club WILL defend its volunteers; the Club WILL stick by its decisions when tested; the Club WILL support those who give there time over someone who just gives criticism, and THAT is the code of conduct of this organization. You may not think it's fair. In reality, its probably more fair than the parent in this case deserves, because of how he chose to voice his concerns to us.

So, in the future, remember that it's not uncommon to have issues with the way this Club does things. But you always have a CHOICE in how you can deal with them: Speak up (constructively), or Show up and help. Otherwise, keep it to yourself. You can only hurt yourself and your child if you behave otherwise, as recent events have shown.